Companies spend a lot of time and money on figuring out how to make their customers happy. People spend a lot of effort on trying to crack the code to good relations with others…
The key to all relations (with clients, friends, family…) is to actually CARE. Care for their problems, for what is happening in their lives.
Every person likes to feel the real, authentic interest. Show that to those whom you want to win. Show interest. Care. It will make them happy and it will help you win their loyalty and love.
It is not about claiming that you do care. It’s about acting. Listening with attention. Speaking with right intention. Offering and actually delivering your help. Searching for options. And being personally happy for the chance to help.
Have you ever wanted to be different than you are? For me it happens. Mostly when I’m disappointed with what I have / haven’t done.
In fact, I think when we wish for being different, what we really mean is that we would want to have acted differently. When we wish to be more „outgoing“, what we mean is „I wish I would have gone out and spoke to those people.“
We are the sum of our habits. And habits are formed by actions.
So if you want to BE different, just ACT differently.
Today I want to talk to you about little something I call „observer mentality“ and I want to ask you for one simple step to take.
Have you ever been for a football match in the lowest league in the country? It’s not a pretty picture. Not because of the football quality, but because of the fans around there. They display one of the best examples of „observer mentality“ that I’ve ever seen. You hear nothing from their mouths except of swearing on the players. And all of them seem to think they are 100x more capable of playing than those 22 guys on the field.
Problem is, none of them actually does play. Moreover, none of them does anything to improve the play of others. They are just great at being critical observers.
Let’s look at what I see as typical for people with „observer mentality“:
they know the best way to do something, but they don’t do it
they are constantly proclaiming how someone is doing it wrong
they find pleasure in criticising every move
they take no action to improve the situation, rather wait
they usually blame others for own failures
if confronted, they don’t propose suggestions
if asked to help, they back-out, it’s not „their job to do“
Critique is important. If it is constructive and well aimed.
I believe in criticising with good intention and a suggestion how to improve (just as I wrote in my do-not-do list). I hate observer mentality and I have a constructive suggestion for all those „observers“ (and I suggest you forward it to any of those around you):
Either act with aim to change it or shut up!
This action does not need to be taking over full responsibility. Small steps are enough: talk to the player after the match and give him some advice, become an expert in the tactics and talk to the coach on how to make the starting line, raise some money to hire better players…
I’m not saying speaking-up about what bothers you is wrong. It’s great! But speak up with the right intention to the right people with right information.
Just don’t spread all-knowing words without constructive action!
CALL FOR YOUR PROBLEMS
I’m tired seeing observer mentality around me and sometimes stepping into it myself.
That’s why in 4 days I’m meeting with couple of friends for our first „Constructive Meet-up“ – a meeting to generate solutions to problems and take them forward.
Now a request towards you – take first step to sort out things that bother you. Let us know. We’re looking for problems that we can solve on our meet-up. So if you have something that bothers you, go ahead and let us know in questionnaire below or on this link.
Couple of rules:
insert problems, not solutions
don’t go into politics or religion (we don’t want to deal with that)
take time and fill in ALL 10 QUESTIONS (we need quantity)
Most probably we won’t be able to cover all the topics, but we will cover some. It’s a start. Your input will not be forgotten and we will look at it.
If you like it, share it forward 😉
Thank you for your input and for not having the observer mentality.
PS: if you wanna know more about Constructive Meet-up or you wanna take part in it, get in touch with me. For now it’s a closed group, but let’s see…
We live in the age of amazing speed. Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second amazing number of new ideas are born.
Snap! The opportunity is lost. Snap! Another one appears. Snap!
Our personal and business success depends on our quick reaction. I used to work for Alcatel-Lucent, whose motto is „At the Speed of Ideas“. But only now working in B2B sales I understand what it really means to be in quick. You can lose an opportunity faster than you think. You need to ack quickly and decisively.
The time between „snaps“ gets shorter and shorter and we need to learn and act quicker and quicker. We don’t have the time to gather all the information we need. We even don’t have the capacity for that, for the amount of data is enormous. We need to do more decisions in shorter time with limited information.
It’s more costly to hesitate than to risk and fail.
I’m naturally not the most decisive and quick to act. But I have to learn this. It’s a skill just like any other.
I’ve had one business idea in my drawer for almost 2 years. Now a friend of mine came up with a connected idea and within couple of weeks he’s starting to build a prototype of first product. Makes me wonder, where I would be, if I had started acting earlier…
What about you? Are you quick enough to succeed? Do you hear that snapping sound? Does it announce your success or failure to act?
Nothing is black or white. There is a lot of grey area available. Despite that, sometimes it makes sense to think black or white.
Many times I tend to turn into thinking that it’s „more-less okay“ or „partially done“ or stuff like that.
Black or white, yes or no, done or not done are ultimate statements, but they help to keep my thinking real. Even if I’m working on something that takes time and I „celebrate“ little successes on the way, I still turn back to simple question: „Yes or no?“
Going „extreme“ in evaluating situation might not be always good, but many times it helps to keep your head straight and focused. Whether in personal or business topics, it can be great guidance.
There’s so many things we know. We know exercising is healthy. We know taking care for client is productive. We know planning makes sense. We know…
I know for example that to achieve my goals I need to plan and track activities. But still I fail in doing that properly. That means, that my knowledge is useless.
To know is not enough, knowledge has to be applied. Good intention isn’t enough, we must act.
This is the „motto“ my boss, Martin, uses. And all our company lives that motto. Whether in work with our clients or in our internal improvement.
Knowing is not enough. The knowledge is as much as passive acknowledgement of needed change. If I know I am not good at presenting, it’s a start. Even if I know good techniques to present, it still is not enough. Until I start using those techniques, I won’t get better. Ever.
Once you acquire some new piece of information, you should ask yourself simple question:
What will I do about it? When?
And then act. Don’t expect the change to happen without action.
It applies to skills improvement, personal change, as well as to company improvement. If you know there’s something that can be done better, but you don’t act, you don’t contribute.
So what do you know and don’t act on?
— Short information point (not intended as promotion, just to let you know): The key thing that distinguishes DEVELOR from other training and consulting companies is the fact that we walk the performance talk. We are one of few companies who are certified by Kirkpatrick Partners to use Kirkpatrick Model of measuring development impact. We know and educate our clients to pay as much (or even more) attention to application of skills, as they pay to „traditional“ training of employees. Because even the best training has limited influence on behavioural change and results. To act is necessary.
One thing constantly upsets me: so few people ask for what they want, even when they have the unlimited options available.
When I was still active with AIESEC, we already had a large group of alumni (ex-AIESECers), who were just one phone-call away. Despite that we used to „reinvent the wheel“, because we didn’t ask for help.
Nowadays, when I have the chance to help some of the young guys through my experience, I see that still happening. There’s so few of people who will just pick-up the phone and ask for help or advise (whether from me or from others).
Most of the times if you state your request honestly, you will be treated with respect. You don’t even need to be offering anything in return (though it’s great if you find some benefits for the other side).
In most of the cases, people are keen on helping. Some actually long to be given the chance to contribute to others. Some like to be asked, because it gives them the feeling of appreciation. Some might say no. But many will say „yes“.
Worst case you end up where you have started. Best case, you will get what you want. Everything it takes is to step forward. Without asking, you’ll get a „No“ for sure.
I finished my first half-marathon today. I’m proud and happy.
Strange, how unnatural it feels to write about achievement. Most of the time I write about overcoming obstacles. Very little I celebrate the victories here.
Today it’s time to do so.
I started running couple of months ago. Actually it was in May 2012 when I got back to Slovakia. First run was 1.88 km. I almost fainted after it. I did my first 10 km run in July 2012. It took me total of 11 months to get to finish half-marathon.
When I signed up for Bratislava marathon, I set a goal to finish it (and if all goes well, get there in 2h 30min). I finished in 2:08:15, which I didn’t even dream of.
What I also loved about the experience is that I enjoyed it. Yes, there were couple of moments when I thought I will lay down and cry. But most of the time, I was having fun, jumping, changing pace, trying longer and shorter stride. It was real fun!
There are 4 things that helped me to get at the end of my first half-marathon:
enjoying the way
support from friends
If you want to achieve something, set a goal, make sure to find joy in the process, don’t stop and find friends to support you. Than just go and do it. Enjoy your achievement.